It’s a long road.
When for so long you get use to hating yourself, hating a certain thing about your body, hating everything about your body. It becomes very hard to change that mindset and to start loving yourself.
After years of people telling me what I looked like, or how I should look, I had a lot of insecurities, and I knew that it was going to take some time for me to work through them and get my mindset into a more positive place.
A big part of losing weight is the physical part. Your body changes, you see muscles, you can do more. But to me the biggest part is the mental part. Even though my body was changing, and physically I could do more, fit into smaller clothes, my mental state was not changing at the same rate because I had become so accustom to the bigger me. The mental changes have been by far the hardest thing for me to make. Changing my diet and exercising are the easy part.
This past weekend has shown just how much those insecurities can affect me. But this past weekend has also shown how far I have come.
I had a small meltdown…
It consisted of trying to find something to wear to a girl’s night out. Going to 5 different shops. Trying on numerous outfits. Sending pictures to my friends to ask their opinions. Saying I wasn’t going to the girl’s night.
Eventually I found something to wear, I bought it, and went home feeling a little self-conscious about what I was going to be wearing.
In this instance my insecurities got to me so much that I was willing to for go a good night with some lovely friends because I was so insecure about all the different things that I had tried on.
On the up side, the outfit that I bought actually looked kind of amazing (if I do say so myself).
Over the years I have had different issues with clothes shopping, ranging from trying on clothes, not feeling comfortable in what I have tried on, that one sales assistant that always seems to make you feel worse about yourself…
My main problem now is trying on and buying clothes that are the right size for me. Even though I am smaller, I still find myself reaching towards a size 16/18, and shopping for smaller clothes is a process in itself that I am going to have to get use to, but I think I naturally gravitate towards the bigger sizes because my brain has some catching up to do.
So with every physical change that I see, I try and remind myself mentally that I have come a long way, and to help my mental changes catch up to my physical changes I decided to set myself a task.
Every week, at least once a week, I would pick at least 1 thing that I love about me. I figure if I can keep telling myself these positive things, then eventually I will be in the same frame of mind as my body.
So here goes – Here is what I love this week (and its only Tuesday)
– My Back – I love that since starting CrossFit, lifting weights, eating right, and losing weight there is some definite muscle definition happening. I love it so much so that I even bought a semi-backless dress to wear to my wedding anniversary dinner on Friday.
– My Arms – Even after my little meltdown, shopping trip on the weekend, I must say my arms are looking better every day. There is definition in my triceps, and biceps… Suns out, guns out 😉
And last – My Legs – I am loving my legs, because they are looking very strong. And at the end of the day that’s what I am aiming for.
All things take time. In time I am sure that I will love every inch of my body, and all the changes that I have made…