Working On Loving Myself

It’s a long road. 

When for so long you get use to hating yourself, hating a certain thing about your body, hating everything about your body. It becomes very hard to change that mindset and to start loving yourself.

After years of people telling me what I looked like, or how I should look, I had a lot of insecurities, and I knew that it was going to take some time for me to work through them and get my mindset into a more positive place.

A big part of losing weight is the physical part. Your body changes, you see muscles, you can do more. But to me the biggest part is the mental part. Even though my body was changing, and physically I could do more, fit into smaller clothes, my mental state was not changing at the same rate because I had become so accustom to the bigger me. The mental changes have been by far the hardest thing for me to make. Changing my diet and exercising are the easy part.

This past weekend has shown just how much those insecurities can affect me. But this past weekend has also shown how far I have come.

I had a small meltdown…

It consisted of trying to find something to wear to a girl’s night out. Going to 5 different shops.  Trying on numerous outfits. Sending pictures to my friends to ask their opinions. Saying I wasn’t going to the girl’s night. 

Eventually I found something to wear, I bought it, and went home feeling a little self-conscious about what I was going to be wearing.

In this instance my insecurities got to me so much that I was willing to for go a good night with some lovely friends because I was so insecure about all the different things that I had tried on.

On the up side, the outfit that I bought actually looked kind of amazing (if I do say so myself).

Over the years I have had different issues with clothes shopping, ranging from trying on clothes, not feeling comfortable in what I have tried on, that one sales assistant that always seems to make you feel worse about yourself…

My main problem now is trying on and buying clothes that are the right size for me. Even though I am smaller, I still find myself reaching towards a size 16/18, and shopping for smaller clothes is a process in itself that I am going to have to get use to, but I think I naturally gravitate towards the bigger sizes because my brain has some catching up to do.

So with every physical change that I see, I try and remind myself mentally that I have come a long way, and to help my mental changes catch up to my physical changes I decided to set myself a task.

Every week, at least once a week, I would pick at least 1 thing that I love about me. I figure if I can keep telling myself these positive things, then eventually I will be in the same frame of mind as my body.

So here goes – Here is what I love this week (and its only Tuesday)

– My Back – I love that since starting CrossFit, lifting weights, eating right, and losing weight there is some definite muscle definition happening. I love it so much so that I even bought a semi-backless dress to wear to my wedding anniversary dinner on Friday.

– My Arms – Even after my little meltdown, shopping trip on the weekend, I must say my arms are looking better every day.  There is definition in my triceps, and biceps… Suns out, guns out 😉

And last – My Legs – I am loving my legs, because they are looking very strong. And at the end of the day that’s what I am aiming for.

 

All things take time. In time I am sure that I will love every inch of my body, and all the changes that I have made…

The Only Thing Better then Pancakes on a Thursday… Is Pancakes on a Friday!

Since becoming Paleo I have tried many a pancake recipe. None have been quite what I have been looking for. They either taste not quite right, or they get burnt bits because of the banana in them. 

I love google. It’s how I find a lot of my recipes. Google this, google that. Well while googling on Wednesday night (while I should have been finishing an assessment piece for my course) I found another pancake recipe to try out. 

Thursday morning I came home from CrossFit and got straight into cooking them. All I can say is “OMG!”. This is the best recipe I have ever tried. These are literally the perfect pancakes.

 

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Thank you to the gorgeous Juli from paleOMG for this recipe – http://paleomg.com/lemon-raspberry-pancakes/

I changed mine a little because I didn’t have any raspberries or lemons, so instead I added some fresh blueberries to the mix and some fresh strawberries on top. 

 

Enjoy x

Who Are You Competing With?

I’ve played my fair share of competitive sports – Soccer, indoor soccer, basketball, softball. All of which I enjoyed but I always found that the spirit of it was to beat someone, to make sure that you are the better out of the two teams. As soon as that buzzer, siren, horn sounds there has to be a winner and a loser… And I think that is what drew me to CrossFit – The only person you have to compete with is yourself.

The best thing about CrossFit is the community. The supportiveness rather then the competitiveness. Sure you get those people who want to finish first, they want to bust out more reps/rounds then you, but to me that not what is important.

What’s important is finishing your workout and walking up to (sometimes) a complete stranger, a friend, a fellow CrossFitter and cheering them on through their last reps so that they too can feel that end of WOD glow.

I have experienced this many times. I myself am not a runner. I loathe it. Whenever I see it written on that little whiteboard, I cringe.  My last 400m lap of a grueling 2km run, one of my friends from CrossFit decided that they would run that last lap with me, even though they had already pushed themselves to the limit. It wasn’t a competition between us, merely one person supporting another.

There is nothing quite like receiving the push from someone else that wants to see you succeed.  I guess that’s why I like the idea of been a Personal Trainer. I like to push people and see them succeed.

See… There’s this woman at my CrossFit box. She inspires me. I watch her (not in a creepy way) push herself; get frustrated with herself when she can’t do something. I watch her give it her all. Every. Single. Time.

I’ve worked with her; I’ve pushed her to that breaking point. She makes me realize how much I love this. Watching people change themselves for the better.

One particular workout, I had finished, but there is just something about helping others reach their goals that keeps me going. I stood by her, cheered her on, counted her last reps, and even did those last reps with her.

It was that moment, full of adrenaline, determination and utter awe that makes me remember why I love CrossFit.

Rather then competing with the person standing next to you, push them. Help them finish. This feeling is above and beyond anything you will ever feel from finishing your own WOD, from beating everyone. Don’t compete with the people, who’s names are written next to yours, just worry about how you perform and how you will support the rest of the community when you are done…

That time on the board doesn’t determine the type of person you are, what determines who you are is weather you put someone down for their efforts or weather you stand there with them and help them push through that barrier.